Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
