actually, I'm a sock model
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
