watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Randomize
