If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
