If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
vagina is talking i cant
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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