The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
