I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
