So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
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