If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
My bed smells like the plague
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
