People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
