I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Randomize
