that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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