was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
