My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Sex in the backyard? Check.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
