my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
