Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
