Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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