Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
When did angry sex become our thing?
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
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