I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
