u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize