i already hear my dad disowning me
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
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as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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