im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
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