I must be too annoying 4 u.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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