I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Randomize
