you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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