At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
