you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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