1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
we're making bets on your personal life
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
