I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
