Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
