It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
