I accidentally had phone sex last night
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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