Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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