i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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