I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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