turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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