quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
