I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
