Sponge bath it is.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
