Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
He kissed a someone with a penis
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
