It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
