Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize
