im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
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Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
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