i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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