how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
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