Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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