I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
