"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
