your parents love me but you hate me
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
