You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I need a beard to bite.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
