ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
