i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Randomize
