I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Randomize