a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Randomize
