i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
