let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
