dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
