I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Randomize
