My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
