i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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