The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Randomize
