can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
