jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
