I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I want to have your abortion
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Randomize
